Poonam Pandey strips near nude for Team India --------->>>>

NewDelhi(ANI): Poonam Pandey, who rose to fame with her claim to go nude at Indian cricket team's World Cup win, is back in news again.

The model turned reality show actor, who did not strip at that time, has now come pretty close to fulfilling that promise. She has posted an image of herself in a bikini on the micro blogging site Twitter, which she calls a 'Motivational Surprise' for the Indian team. Poonam claims it to be her own way of inspiring and encouraging the Indian team, which has not been performing well in the ongoing England tour. The model tweeted, "The world will see that I lived up to my inspiration. Now, I am sure my team will beat England. Our time has come." And then she tweeted, "All my followers count till 100 and a motivational pic for Men in Blue is on its way".

JUST ENJOY IT AND HAVE A FUN

जेएनयू सेक्स रैकेट मामले ने तूल पकड़ना शुरू किया

नई दिल्ली।
जवाहरलाल नेहरू विश्वविद्यालय(जेएनयू) में एक छात्र द्वारा तैयार वीडियो क्लिप में छात्र एवं छात्रा को आपत्तिजनक अवस्था में दिखाए जाने के अगले दिन मंगलवार को जेएनयू प्रशासन ने कहा कि उसे अपनी आंतरिक जांच रिपोर्ट का इंतजार है और इसके बाद ही पुलिस में मामला दर्ज करने के संबंध में फैसला किया जाएगा। जेएनयू के एक अधिकारी ने बताया कि मुख्य कुलानुशासक (प्रॉक्टर) एच.सी. बोहिदार की देखरेख में मामले की आंतरिक जांच की जा रही है।
अधिकारी ने आईएएनएस से कहा, "मुख्य कुलानुशासक मामले की जांच कर रहे हैं। इस सम्बंध में कई छात्रों से पूछताछ की गई है। वह संभवत: एक सप्ताह में अपनी रिपोर्ट कुलपति को सौंपेंगे।" अधिकारी ने कहा कि वीडियो क्लिप कथित तौर पर पिछले वर्ष तैयार किया गया, लेकिन आंतरिक रिपोर्ट आने के बाद ही मामला दर्ज कराने के सम्बंध में फैसला किया जाएगा। मीडिया में आई खबरों के अनुसार वीडियो में छात्र-छात्रा को ताप्ती छात्रावास में आपत्तिजनक अवस्था दिखाया गया है, लेकिन अधिकारियों का कहना है कि जांच पूरी होने पर ही इसकी पुष्टि की जाएगी।
अधिकारी ने बताया कि छात्र-एवं छात्रा स्कूल ऑफ लैंग्वेजेज में पढ़ते हैं, जबकि कथित तौर पर वीडियो तैयार करने वाला छात्र कम्यूटर एप्लीकेशंस का छात्र है।अधिकारी ने यह भी कहा कि छात्रा पिछले वर्ष जेएनयू छोड़ चुकी है। पुलिस उपायुक्त (दक्षिण) एच.जी.एस. धालीवाल के मुताबिक पुलिस इस मामले

में विश्वविद्यालय की पुष्टि का इंतजार कर रही है। विश्वविद्यालय इस मामले की जांच कर रहा है।
धालीवाल ने संवाददाताओं से कहा, "लड़की और उसका दोस्त इस कांड में शामिल थे जबकि एक अन्य लड़के ने कथित तौर पर उनका वीडियो तैयार किया था। जेएनयू ने अभी इस मामले की पुष्टि नहीं की है।" गौरतलब है कि यह घटना जेएनयू प्रशासन के संज्ञान में पिछले सप्ताह उस समय आई थी जब सुरक्षा विभाग ने विश्वविद्यालय के कुलानुशासक (प्रॉक्टर) कार्यालय को इसकी जानकारी दी थी।

Relationships get marred when spouses are too close to each other

A new study has suggested that relationships can get marred if spouses are too close to each other.According to psychologists, when two people know each other too well they assume too much shared knowledge and their language becomes dangerously vague.
They believe that this "closeness communication bias" can lead to long-term misunderstandings, rows and even relationship problems.The research by University of Chicago and Williams College in Massachusetts found that often couples and good friends communicate with each other no better than they do with strangers.
"People commonly believe that they communicate better with close friends than with strangers," the Telegraph quoted Prof Boaz Keysar, co-author, as saying.
"That closeness can lead people to overestimate how well they communicate. Your language can become so ambiguous. The brain becomes lazy."But it can backfire and the misunderstanding can lead to rows in the future," he stated.
Prof Kenneth Savitsky, who is Prof Keysar's colleague, said it was always important to bear in mind the point of view of others - no matter how close to them you are.
"Our problem in communicating with friends and spouses is that we have an illusion of insight. Getting close to someone appears to create the illusion of understanding more than actual understanding," co-author Prof Nicholas Epley added.

Is flexisexuality the latest fad?

We talk to experts and Delhi women about the newest ‘s- word’। We had bisexual, transsexual, homosexual, heterosexual, metrosexual.Now we have a new sword to add to our already overcrowded glossary – flexisexual. The word refers to straight women in their 40s who are keen on swinging both ways, but don’t want the bisexual tag. The reason, they say is that women in their 40s are confident of their sexuality and ready to explore new possibilities.
IT’S A CELEB THING
Here’s the truth behind this fascinatingly catchy word. It is being touted as a new term, but it has actually been around for a while. In 2004 the term was mentioned in a blog by a woman named Amy LeBlanc. Three people have posted definitions of flexisexual in The Urban Dictionary back in 2008 and 2009. So why are we talking about it as a trend? Because celebrities have started endorsing it? Says Ruhi Shahin, director, Chic Management, a marketing solutions company. “In a way, they are poking fun at homosexuals and trivialising their sexuality. They do it to attract attention and have publicists working out the nittygritty of their actions. If I write ‘I kissed a girl’ on Facebook, I’ll get 15 minutes of instant fame,” she says. Shahin has lost count of women who have hit on her on Facebook.
“Once, someone commented on my pictures saying I was ‘sooo hot and sooo pretty’. I found it funny but when I actually thought of experimenting, the idea grossed me out. I looked at her profile, checked her pictures and found she was married with a child,” she says. Another married girl from Chandigarh started talking dirty to Shahin on Facebook chat after exchanging niceties. “I was shocked and told her I was not her type. But before blocking her, I asked her why she was behaving this way,” recalls Shahin. Her friend was apparently a lesbian, who was married off at a young age. It was only after her marriage that she discovered she wasn’t really attracted to her husband or any other man. “In a closed society like India, there are people who don’t get a chance to explore their sexuality, which should ideally happen during adolescence,” says Shahin.
Twenty-nineyear- old Jaspreet Gill, a business analyst and a mother of two, had often thought of kissing her best gal pal as a teenager just to get an idea of what kissing a boy would be like. “I had a huge crush on a guy in my class, but he was way beyond my reach – he was the school stud. So I often used to wonder what it would be like to kiss him and often thought of practising it with my best friend, but never tried it. However, I know of girls who have actually tried and are happily leading a heterosexual life. But I don’t think I would be able to kiss a girl,” says Gill.
Sexologist Dr Prakash Kothari says it is very difficult for a woman who has already led the life of a heterosexual to think the other way in her 40s. “Most women can’t think this way. It is unlikely for a woman who has led a heterosexual life to suddenly switch her preference. There are very few people who would do that. So it is wrong to call it a trend,” says Kothari.
Any straight woman or man would find it difficult to make love to a person of the same sex, if he or she hasn’t had a past experience or hasn’t been fascinated by the idea earlier. “ It can happen only when a person is bisexual. So bisexual and flexisexual are one and the same things. If any heterosexual woman fantasises about making love to another woman, she is either a bisexual or is suffering from a thought disorder that indicates the possibility of schizophrenia,” he adds. As far as celebs are concerned, they are humans too. “ They might do it out curiosity or adventure or to make news or under the effect of alcohol. Attraction lies between the two ears and not between your legs,” says Kothari. There is a reason why women shy away from the bisexuality tag. Sexuality has always been taboo all over the world. Women who talk about their sexuality are often looked down upon. “ People who openly used words suffixed with the word ‘ sexual’ are looked down upon. It’s probably the reason why homosexual evolved to the more subtle ‘ gay’ and ‘ lesbian’,” says clinical psychologist Dr Aruna Broota.With time women have become bolder and want to explore all the avenues from where they can derive pleasure, but still play safe when it comes to sexuality. “ If they call themselves bisexual, it means they have already made a choice. If she’s flexisexual, she just wants to explore temporarily but has the freedom of coming back to being a heterosexual,” says Broota. Now that’s a good explanation. And the celebrity status might even give them an edge.

पुरूषों के साथ महिलाओं के बढ़ते यौन संबंध

प्रियंका जैन
करुणा एक घरेलू महिला है। एक बार संयोगवश पास के फ्लैट में उसका जाना हुआ। वहां उसने अपना स्केच टंगा पाया। पूछने पर उसे पता चला कि फ्लैट में रहने वाले पुरुष ने ही वह स्केच बनाया था। करुणा उस पुरुष से प्रभावित हो गई और उसके घर आने-जाने लगी। दोनों की दोस्ती बढ़ती गई और कुछ हफ्ते बाद ही उनके बीच शारीरिक संबंध भी स्थापित हो गये। अब करुणा हफ्ते में कम से कम तीन बार उसके साथ शारीरिक संबंध बनाती है। यह बात करुणा के पति और बच्ची को मालूम नहीं है। करुणा को अपने पति से शिकायत रहती है कि उसका पति बहुत ही गुस्से वाला आदमी है और उससे या उसकी बेटी से हमेशा डांट-डपट करता है जबकि उसका प्रेमी बहुत ही शांत स्वभाव का नेक पुरुष है। हालांकि उसके प्रेमी के साथ करुणा का न कोई आर्थिक संबंध है और न ही वह अपने घर या बाल-बच्चे की समस्याएं उसके सामने रखती है। करुणा इस संबंध के लिए खुद को दोषी भी मानती है और अपने विवाह और दाम्पत्य संबंध को कायम रखना चाहती है। वह अपने पति को सब-कुछ बता देना चाहती है, लेकिन उसके गुस्सैल होने की वजह से कुछ कह नहीं पाती और चाहती है कि इसी तरह से जिंदगी चलती रहे। करुणा उन महिलाओं में से है जो विवाहेत्तर संबंध के साथ-साथ वैवाहिक संबंध को भी कायम रखना चाहती है।
सोमया एक प्राइवेट कंपनी में काम करती है। एक दिन सोमया की मुलाकात उसी की कंपनी के एक वरिष्ठ अधिकारी अनिल से हुई। अनिल ने उसे तुरंत प्रोपोज किया और उसने स्वीकार कर लिया। उन दोनों की शादी हो गई, लेकिन उनके बीच बहुत जल्द दरार पड़ गई। अनिल बच्चा नहीं चाहता था, बहुत अधिक शराब पीता था और दूसरी शादीशुदा महिलाओं के साथ उसके शारीरिक संबंध थे। सोमया जब भी उसके साथ शारीरिक संबंध बनाना चाहती, वह उसे झिड़क देता था। छह वर्षों के बाद सोमया की मुलाकात कमलेश से हुई। वह बहुत ही आकर्षक व्यक्तित्व का पुरुष था। पहली ही मुलाकात में कमलेश ने सोमया को एक होटल चलने के लिए कहा। सोमया तुरंत तैयार हो गई। वहां उन्होंने शारीरिक संबंध स्थापित किया। हालांकि उसके बाद सोमया को थोड़ी ग्लानि अवश्य हुई, लेकिन उसने उस बात को भुला देना ही उचित समझा। कुछ महीने तक तो उन दोनों का संबंध बरकरार रहा, लेकिन उसके बाद सोमया को पता चला कि उसके और भी कई महिलाओं के साथ संबंध हैं तो उसने कमलेश से रिश्ता तोड़ लिया। लेकिन उसके बाद तो सोमया का प्यार का एक सिलसिला ही शुरू हो गया। उसने जितने मर्दों से प्यार किया, कुछ ही महीने में उस मर्द ने उसे धोखा दिया। लेकिन वह उस मर्द को छोड़कर दूसरे मर्द की आगोश में चली जाती है और अब इस सिलसिले का कोई अंत नहीं लगता।
हालांकि कुछ महिलाएं एक बार ठोकर खाने के बाद संभल जाती हैं। कल्पना जब 25 वर्ष की थी तो उसकी शादी उसके प्रेमी के साथ हुई। दो वर्ष के बाद उसके पति ने एक नया बिजनेस शुरू किया। वह ज्यादातर समय घर से बाहर रहने लगा और जब घर में भी होता तो अलग कमरे में पढ़ता-लिखता रहता। इस कारण से एक वर्ष में उन्होंने दो बार ही शारीरिक संबंध स्थापित किये। कल्पना जब अकेले घर में रहते-रहते बोर हो गई तो उसने कम्प्यूटर कोर्स में एडमीशन ले लिया। वह अपने क्लास में अकेली महिला थी। तीसरे दिन इंस्टीच्यूट में उसकी मुलाकात क्लास के एक लड़के से हुई। उन दोनों में दोस्ती हो गई। एक रात क्लास खत्म होने के बाद उसने कल्पना को ड्रिंक के लिए आमंत्रित किया। दोनों ने होटल में ड्रिंक किया और उसने कल्पना को ‘किश’ भी किया। चूंकि कल्पना अपने पति से दूर थी, इसलिए उसे यह अनुभव अच्छा लगा। तीन सप्ताह के बाद उसने कल्पना को एक होटल में बुलाया और वहां शारीरिक संबंध स्थापित किया। उसके बाद हर हफ्ते ऐसा होने लगा। करीब एक वर्ष बाद उसने कल्पना को होटल बुलाना छोड़ दिया। इससे कल्पना अंदर ही अंदर घुटने लगी। अंत में उसने सारी बात अपने पति को बता दिया। उसका पति एक नेक इंसान था, उसने कल्पना को समझाया और अपनी गलती भी मानी। आज कल्पना अपने पति के साथ खुश है, लेकिन अपने प्रेमी के साथ बितायी हुई रातें उसे बार-बार याद आती है।
वैष्णवी एक शादीशुदा महिला है, लेकिन शादी के कुछ ही वर्ष बाद उसकी दोस्ती एक शादीशुदा मर्द अजय के साथ हो गई। दोनों का परस्पर एक दूसरे के घर में टेलीफोन करना, अक्सर घर से बाहर मिलना और बाहर रातें बिताना- दोनों के घर वालों से छिपी नहीं रह सकी और दोनों को उसकी कीमत तलाक के रूप में चुकानी पड़ी।
आधुनिक समय में करुणा, सोमया, कल्पना और वैष्णवी जैसी महिलाओं की जिंदगी में आज कोई न कोई दूसरा पुरुष ‘वो’ के रूप में आने लगा है। हालांकि पति, पत्नी और ‘वो’ की धारणा समाज में वर्षों से रही है, लेकिन एक समय ‘वो’ आम तौर पर पति के जीवन का ही हिस्सा हुआ करती थी, परन्तु आज ‘वो’ पत्नी के जीवन का भी हिस्सा बनने लगा है। हालांकि ‘वो’ हमेशा से पति-पत्नी के दाम्पत्य जीवन में जहर घुलने का प्रमुख कारण रहा
है। इसके कारण अनगिनत परिवार बर्बाद हो चुके हैं, अनेक बच्चे अनाथ बन चुके हैं, अनेक पति-पत्नियां मौत की सूली पर चढ़ चुके हैं, लेकिन इसके बावजूद ‘वो’ हमेशा पति और पत्नी के जबर्दस्त आकर्षण का केन्द्र रहा है।
‘वो’ के कारण होने वाली घटनाओं -दुर्घटनाओं की खबरें अखबारों की सुर्खियां बनती रही हैं, लेकिन आज ये घटनायें-दुर्घटनायें सामान्य बात हो गई हैं। सबसे महत्वपूर्ण बात यह है कि ‘वो’ आज ज्यादा से ज्यादा महिलाओं के दाम्पत्येत्तर जीवन में प्रवेश करने लगा है।
यह बताना तो मुश्किल है कि कितनी महिलायें दाम्पत्येत्तर संबंध रखती हैं, फिर भी यह अनुमान लगाया गया है कि विश्व में 27 से 50 प्रतिशत महिलायें विवाहेत्तर संबंध रखती हैं, यह अलग-अलग देश, संस्कृति और परिवार के वातावरण पर निर्भर करता है। इनमें से कुछ महिलायें तो अपने ‘वो’ अथवा प्रेमी से सच्चा प्यार करती हैं जबकि कुछ मात्र मन बहलाव के लिए ही विवाहेत्तर संबंध रखती हैं।
आज अगर फिल्मों और टेलीविजन धारावाहिकों को समाज का दर्पण माना जाये तो ये फिल्में और टेलीविजन धारावाहिकें भी समाज में दाम्पत्येत्तर संबंधों के विकास को समझने में सहायक साबित हो सकती हैं। हालांकि भारत में दाम्पत्येत्तर संबंधों पर काफी समय पहले से फिल्में बनती रही हैं, लेकिन पहले की इन फिल्मों में ऐसे संबंधों को दाम्पत्य जीवन व परिवार के लिए घातक ही बताये जातेे रहे हैं और इन फिल्में में कभी भी ऐेसे संबंधों की वकालत नहीं की गई। साथ ही इन फिल्मों में मुख्य तौर पर पतियों के दाम्पत्येत्तर संबंध ही दिखाए गए।
भारत में पहली बार संभवतः प्रसिद्ध निर्देशिका अपर्णा सेन की चर्चित फिल्म ‘परोमा’ में किसी शादीशुदा महिला के दाम्पत्येत्तर संबंध को न केवल दिखाया गया, बल्कि दाम्पत्येत्तर संबंध रखने वाली महिला ‘परोमा’ और उसके फोटोग्राफर प्रेमी के प्रति सहानुभूति प्रदर्शित की गई। अपर्णा सेन कम्युनिस्ट पार्टी से जुड़ी थीं और कम्युनिस्ट पार्टी में भी इस फिल्म को लेकर काफी बहस हुई और इस पार्टी में इस फिल्म की आलोचना की गई।
आज ऐसी फिल्में और धारावाहिकें बड़ी संख्या में बनने लगी हैं जो पत्नियों के दाम्पत्येत्तर संबंधों पर आधारित होती हैं। यही नहीं इन फिल्में में ऐसे दाम्पत्येत्तर संबंधों को औरतों के अधिकार से जोड़ कर इनकी वकालत करने की भी कोशिश की जाती है। टेलीविजन धारवाहिकें तो इस मामले में भारतीय फिल्मों से काफी आगे हैं।
आम तौर पर देखा गया है अधिकतर महिलाएं 30 से 40 वर्ष की उम्र के बाद ही दाम्पत्येत्तर संबंध बनाती हैं। इसके कई कारण हैं। इस उम्र तक वे बच्चे का पालन-पोषण की जिम्मेदारियों से निबट चुकी होती हैं। बच्चे बड़े हो जाते हैं। वे स्कूल -कालेज जाने लगते हैं। पति भी दफ्तर या काम-काज में व्यस्त होते हैं। ऐसे में इन औरतों के पास ऐसे संबंध बनाने के लिये वक्त होता है। पति काम-काज एवं उम्र के दवाब के कारण पत्नी में पहले जैसी रूचि नहीं दिखाता है। वे भावनात्मक तौर पर उपेक्षित महसूस करने लगती हैं। ऐसे में वे समय काटने तथा भावनात्मक एवं शारीरिक सुख और सहारा पाने के लिये किसी पुरुष से संबंध बना लेती हैं। अगर कोई महिला घर से बाहर काम करती हैं तो उनका प्रेमी दफ्तर का ही होता है। लेकिन अगर कोई महिला नौकरी नहीं करती और ज्यादा समय घर में ही रहती है तो उनका प्रेमी पड़ोस का या रिश्ते का कोई व्यक्ति होता है।
अब सवाल यह उठता है कि ये महिलाएं ऐसा क्यों करती हैं? वे अपने दाम्पत्य संबंध को खतरे में डालकर पति और बच्चों का विश्वास तोड़कर अवैध संबंध क्यों बनाती हैं? क्या वे अपने तनाव को दूर करने के लिए या अपनी आर्थिक आवश्यकताओं की पूर्ति के लिए ऐसा करती हैं या वे फिल्मों, उपन्यासों और धारावाहिकों से प्रेरित होकर ऐसा करती हैं या मात्र मनबहलाव के लिए ऐसा करती हैं?
जब किसी पुरुष को यह पता चलता है कि उसकी पत्नी उसे धोखा दे रही है, उसके किसी दूसरे पुरुष के साथ संबंध हैं तो वह इसे सहन नहीं कर पाता और किसी भी कीमत पर अपने वैवाहिक रिश्ते को खत्म कर देना चाहता है। बहुत कम पुरुष ही ऐसे होते हैं जो समझौता करते हैं या पत्नी को समझा-बुझाकर सही रास्ते पर लाने की कोशिश करते हैं। दूसरी तरफ महिलाएं समाज की खातिर या बच्चों की खातिर वैवाहिक संबंध को समाप्त करना नहीं चाहतीं। वे अपनी समस्याओं पर खुलकर पति से बात नहीं करतीं, इस कारण उनकी समस्या दिनोंदिन बढ़ती जाती है। वे पति के सामने अपने अवैध संबंधों को स्वीकार कर पश्चाताप भी नहीं करतीं। ऐसे संबंधों में 50 प्रतिशत प्रेमी-प्रेमिकाओं को या तो अपने पति-पत्नी से अलग होना पड़ता है या तलाक लेना पड़ता है।
हालांकि ऐसे मामलों में तलाक ले लेना कुछ हद तक सही है, क्योंकि एक ही साथ दोनों रिश्तों को कायम रखना मुश्किल है। लेकिन सिर्फ दूसरे
मर्दों के प्रति आकर्षण और अपने क्षणिक शारीरिक सुख के कारण पति और परिवार को धोखा देना तथा अपने बच्चों के भविष्य को दांव पर लगा देना कहां तक उचित है?

Women want more

The pillow talk of new millennium couples in the 2010 INDIA TODAY-AC Nielsen-ORG MARG sex survey tells an unprecedented story of women's arousal being thwarted and of romance gone sour। Call it the Eat Pray Love moment in the life of the modern Indian woman. Just as the lead character, Elizabeth Gilbert (Julia Roberts in the film) was asked by her Balinese healer to "pray for sex", the survey finds Indian women meditating intently on the prayer beads of fulfilling and wholesome sex. Shatter those stereotypes that tell you women are not as interested in sex as men are. Overturn the idea that women favour a romantic encounter - a walk in the rain, a bouquet of roses - while men prefer to fall into bed. Check out the intricacies of the new woman's erotic litany: sex is crucial, say 70 per cent of women. No wonder, they are eager to make their sexual lives more exciting, with new situations (67 per cent) and positions (20 per cent), new types of foreplay (24 per cent), and sex anytime, anywhere. Pleasure is paramount, their own and that of their partners' (57 per cent). But that quest for hardcore sexuality is squashing intimacy and romance faster than bedbugs.
There she is, fragrant on bath salts, waiting for him to look up and notice her in her lacy camisole. And there he is, sprawled on the bed, flipping channels languidly, spoilt for choice between cricket and pole dancing on the telly. He finally looks up, yawns and reaches out for her. She looks disgusted and hisses at him, "Undress yourself." And she is not alone. Between 2003, when INDIA TODAY-AC Nielsen-ORG MARG sex survey first focused on "What Women Want" and now, the percentage of women not interested in "undressing" their partners as a preferred mode of foreplay has petered down from 16 per cent to 8 per cent.Buried deep in this survey is another story: the growing happiness gap between men and women. While women show rising levels of dissatisfaction, men are full of buzz about their current sex life. Many more men than women are having weekly sex. They are more happy with foreplay than women. And more open about their own pleasures. Unlike women, an overwhelming percentage of men say their partners are "sensitive toward their sexual needs". While women don't seem to be too happy with the "sexual involvement of partners", men are.
Twice as many men have sexual fantasies and they are three times more likely to share those. Not just that. They are more contented with life in general than women - much more satisfied with their jobs and just as happy as women with their health, social, family and financial lives. About a 100 years back, Sigmund Freud had famously confessed that the one great question he could never answer was: "What does a woman want?" Today's Indian men do not seem interested in asking that question, as yet. "Women's sexuality is much more complex than men's ," says clinical psychologist therapist Shelja Sen of Delhi. "A lot of it is triggered by emotional, intellectual and relationship-based factors rather than the simple physical response required by a man. The brain is the crucial sexual organ in a woman." That mind-body route to sexuality takes strange forms. Dr Neena Malhotra sees a host of patients walking through the doors of the infertility clinic at the All India Institute of Medical Sciences, Delhi, who have surprisingly low coital frequency. "They are not just weighed down by erratic work hours and stress, they also don't know that a fulfilling sex life needs a boost," she says. "They roam around the shopping malls, watch TV till midnight and then there is not much time for sex." The survey tells the same story. Between 2003 and 2010, there has been a 5 per cent drop among women having sex more than once a week. Excitement about sex life has shrunk by 10 per cent among women, satisfaction after sex has come down by 11 per cent। Significantly, the focus on "own pleasure" is riding a steady upward curve. At the root of this pleasure quest could be the post-modern woman's desire to take charge of her own destiny. And, as matrimonial sites point out, it starts early. Courtships in arranged marriages these days find city girls asking some tough questions to their would-bes, as reported by a 2009 partner preference study by Bharat Matrimony: from "how close do you want to live to your parents?" to "do you expect me to stop working once we have children?" And, of course, the inevitable: "What's your idea of spending alone time?" "Compatibility is emerging as the primary evaluation criteria," says Murugavel Janakiraman, CEO, Bharat Matrimony. "This is one area where we see the most dramatic changes." There is, obviously, a paradox at work. Those demands for companionate autonomy seem to take a serious beating once the mundaneness of everyday life kicks in (to 42 per cent men and women "quality time at home" constitutes a "perfect romantic day"). No wonder, the imagined world of romance leads to disenchantment and forced reconciliation of reality with fantasy.To begin with, fewer women find their partners "romantic" than men (51:66 per cent). While 71 per cent of men share their sexual fantasies with partners, just 12 per cent women find men enthusiastic about theirs. To top it all, women don't seem to be "talking" to men to communicate their needs: those willing to discuss disappointing sex has dropped by 8 per cent between 2003 and 2010. But in a new turn, women seem keen to "tell" their partners that extra-marital liberties on their part would be promptly reciprocated.
"Why can't a woman be more like a man?" mused Henry Higgins in My Fair Lady. Today's Indian woman would have made him happy. Her new assertion for sexual fulfillment and dissatisfaction with the status quo tell the new story of femininity. As filmmaker Aparna Sen says: "I like today's woman. I like her spirit of independence, of her effort to control her own destiny. She might be confused and sometimes impatient with relationships, but she is brave." The plot and characters in the battle of the sexes are shifting. Let's wait for romance and enchantment to return to the bedroom.

Plenty of sex means longer lives for men!

London, Nov 08(ANI): An active sex life is the key to a longer life for men only if they are faithful to their partners, a new research has found.

Italian medical researchers have found that a healthy sex life means fewer cardiovascular problems for men.
"What was evident from the research was that men who had active sex lives and were faithful to their partners had fewer cardiovascular complaints and lived longer," the Telegraph quoted Emmanuele Jannini, coordinator of the research, as saying.
"Increased sexual activity produces more testosterone, which leads to less depression and a better cardiovascular performance which means an improved metabolism," said Jannini.Jannini said the study has revealed that those who were unfaithful had a poor cardiovascular performance because they were "also coping with the increased stress of their infidelity."
She said that an increased amount of testosterone produced during sex was good for men because it burned off excess sugars and reduced the risk of heart disease.
"People who have diabetes especially benefit from a healthy sex life and an active sex life also helps avoid prostate problems for men," she added.
The Italian Society of Sexual Medicine carried out the study. (ANI)

Too stressed for sex!

For a stressed out nation, sex has become the new contraceptive,

Stress and sex make for strange bedfellows! Although there are no exact figures, experts say infertility has gone up to almost 30 per cent in the last two decades. And stress remains the most important killer for activity between the sheets.
In a dog-eat-dog world, where work hours have expanded and leisure time shrunk, spouses hold each other's hand with cell phones stuck to their ears. Laptops and phones are must-haves on vacations. In a nuclear family, working couples who pick up their children on their way home to ready-to-eat dinners are ideal couples. Divorce rates have never been this high in history, yet there's no time to grieve or pick up the pieces. Infertility experts and counsellors are shocked at the country's shrinking libido, thanks to stress! In a worrying trend, it's hitting as many women as men, and when they're still young. Gynaecologist Dr Meeta Shah says, "The compulsion to plan one's life down to minute details is playing havoc in urban relationships. Forget conception, both men and women are finding it difficult to even perform!"
A global survey on sexual well-being conducted by the condom manufacturer Durex shows that Indians are low on sexual satisfaction. Just 46 per cent of Indians orgasm, according to the study. And, while 55 per cent Indian males achieve orgasm, only 26 per cent Indian women can say the same. Stress remains a constant in a country that has seen a worrying rise in male and female infertility over the years. But does stress lead to impotence? Clinically, stress can be directly responsible for erectile dysfunction. It is known to increase the production of adrenaline, while it decreases nitric oxide, which is a muscle relaxant. So, when you are stressed, nerve impulses constrict vessels and smooth muscles in the male organ, thereby reducing the blood flow that causes an erection.
According to a study by the American Psychological Association, 48 per cent of Americans report their stress levels have risen over the past five years. Surveys report that between 20 and 52 per cent of American women say their sex drive isn't what it used to be.
Says psychiatrist Dr Jitender Nagpal, "Stress is a double-edged sword। It's a key motivator, but also has a tremendous hold over our physical and psychological well-being, and therefore our sex lives।"

Take this: A 2003 survey stated that Indians made love 138 times a year. The same survey put Indians at a respectable eighth place, behind a clutch of Slavic nations and the French as the nations. But, the numbers have slipped since! Today, 60 per cent Indians say that sex is fun, enjoyable, and a vital part of life. However, due to stress, only 44 per cent are fully satisfied with their sex lives. Dr Prakash Kothari observes, "Work, family, kids, parties, networking... there's no end to hyper activities. Sexual priorities are changing for a stressed out nation. People are looking for the softer, more gentler side of sex — quality time with partners, romance and a sense of security within the bedroom." It's surprising that with so much salacious sex happening around us, very less action is taking place in the conjugal bed! Marriage counsellor Pallavi B Gillani says, "t's true that feeling loved, respected and secure all impact strongly on our ability to achieve sexual satisfaction, but thrill is the main driver of dynamic sex."
Experts say that psychological impotence is the real killer of physical love. "Just snap out of it!" says Dr Kothari, adding, "Prevent it from ruining your sex life. Try stress management techniques — they are real and they work. Make some lifestyle changes if necessary — change your diet, exercise regularly, stop smoking and limit your alcohol intake. If your job is causing you undue stress, get a new one."
Make stress your slave, not your master. Chances are that it's all in your mind!

Extra-marital affairs are good for marriage!

Husbands’ extra-marital affairs ‘are good for marriage’!
If your husband is enjoying a secret rendezvous with another woman, don't run after him with a knife, for the extra-marital affair is a sign that your marriage is a healthy one.
That's the claim of France's most prominent female psychologist Maryse Vaillant in controversial new book on the effects of infidelity on married life, Men, Love, Fidelity, reports The Telegraph . Vaillant reckons that men who keep mistresses actually improve their marriage.
"[Most] don't do it because they no longer love them, on the contrary," she said. "They simply need breathing space. For such men, who are in fact profoundly monogamous, infidelity is almost unavoidable".
Once women accept that the "pact of fidelity is not natural but cultural", and that infidelity is essential to the "psychic functioning" of certain men who are still very much in love, it can be a "very liberating" for women, she added.
In her book, Vaillant insists that fidelity is not, by definition proof of love.
"They are often men whose father was physically or morally absent ... during their childhood. These men have a completely idealised view of their father and the paternal function," she said. "They lack suppleness and are prisoners to an idealised image of a man of duty."

Playboy's nude Yoga video causes uproar

A video featuring Playboy model Sara Jean Underwood performing various yoga postures while naked, has caused outrage in the Indian community.
The racy video is available for viewing on the Playboy website and the use of the age-old technique as erotica has irked many, reported Ace Showbiz online.
Hindu statesman Rajan Zed has taken aim at Playboy bosses saying, "Hindus are upset over what is the misuse of the revered system of yoga by Playboy for mercantile greed and we are urging the organisation to withdraw all its yoga-related products."
The video was posted online to promote DVD titles 'Erotic Nude Yoga', 'Totally Nude Yoga' and 'Erotic Yoga for Couples'

"Yoga is one of the six systems of orthodox Hindu philosophy and it is highly revered in Hinduism. Playboy should not attempt to distort the esteemed yoga tradition as it hurts the devotees of yoga," said Zed.

7 must-know sex secrets

Guys, here's your chance to know the seven sex secrets women wish their partner knew

A good talk is a great aphrodisiac
Many women find talk a great turn-on. For them, talking and feeling loved are very important. Good conversation during walks or while the couple is relaxing can be a great aphrodisiac. A man could tell his woman how much he loves her, which acts as a reassurance that he is with her mentally during those intimate moments.

Many women are anxious about their looks
For a couple that has been together for long, sometimes it is natural that women may feel that their partner may find them less alluring. Because of this some women undress only under the cover of darkness. Caring men can sense such anxieties. There is no need to lie and say she's gorgeous if she isn't, nor is there a need to say that she is not attractive anymore. One can always appreciate and praise what you do find attractive.

For a woman sex isn't separate from rest of her life
On the other hand, men tend to compartmentalise, feeling that stressful aspects of life can be parked mentally and separated from sexual activity. Women need good feelings and experiences during the day to have satisfying sex. How her lover treats her out of bed, greatly influences her response in bed. Inattentiveness, harsh language, rude tones, hurtful words, and criticism can make it difficult for a woman to get involved, feel enthusiastic and be passionate during sex.

An orgasm is not a necessity
Many men feel that a good lover is one who can bring his woman to climactic sexual culmination. It is great to have such moments, but aren't always essential. Many women feel pressure from partners and even from themselves to reach an orgasm. Sometimes instead of having orgasms, women prefer to engage in just foreplay.

Sex need not be a serious act
Playfulness is a great quality. Many men are far too serious about sex. They forget to laugh, be romantically mischievous, have fun. Playfulness and light-heartedness can make intimate moments enjoyable and relaxing. This takes performance pressure off from both partners.

Women cherish non-sexual touching and tenderness
Women love romance, cuddling, hand-holding and kissing. But many women complain that their men never do this except during foreplay. A woman should make her man realise the joy of touching. As you give him a relaxing massage and stroke his face and hair tenderly, he starts experiencing the joy of this kind of non-sexual touching. Tell your man what makes you feel loved.

Warm attention after sex is important
A woman's need for tender moments goes beyond the actual lovemaking. Some women complain that men fall asleep immediately after the act. It is true that when a man is having sex, his endorphin level is very high. Almost immediately after ejaculation, he goes through a refractory phase where he loses his erection and all his systems gear down. In females this phase happens gradually. However, if you don't like him falling asleep immediately, tell him without putting him down. Alternatively, let him sleep in your arms for a few minutes and gently wake him up afterwards.

(Dr Rajan B Bhonsle, consultant in sexual medicine and counselor)