We talk to experts and Delhi women about the newest ‘s- word’। We had bisexual, transsexual, homosexual, heterosexual, metrosexual.Now we have a new sword to add to our already overcrowded glossary – flexisexual. The word refers to straight women in their 40s who are keen on swinging both ways, but don’t want the bisexual tag. The reason, they say is that women in their 40s are confident of their sexuality and ready to explore new possibilities.
IT’S A CELEB THING
Here’s the truth behind this fascinatingly catchy word. It is being touted as a new term, but it has actually been around for a while. In 2004 the term was mentioned in a blog by a woman named Amy LeBlanc. Three people have posted definitions of flexisexual in The Urban Dictionary back in 2008 and 2009. So why are we talking about it as a trend? Because celebrities have started endorsing it? Says Ruhi Shahin, director, Chic Management, a marketing solutions company. “In a way, they are poking fun at homosexuals and trivialising their sexuality. They do it to attract attention and have publicists working out the nittygritty of their actions. If I write ‘I kissed a girl’ on Facebook, I’ll get 15 minutes of instant fame,” she says. Shahin has lost count of women who have hit on her on Facebook.
“Once, someone commented on my pictures saying I was ‘sooo hot and sooo pretty’. I found it funny but when I actually thought of experimenting, the idea grossed me out. I looked at her profile, checked her pictures and found she was married with a child,” she says. Another married girl from Chandigarh started talking dirty to Shahin on Facebook chat after exchanging niceties. “I was shocked and told her I was not her type. But before blocking her, I asked her why she was behaving this way,” recalls Shahin. Her friend was apparently a lesbian, who was married off at a young age. It was only after her marriage that she discovered she wasn’t really attracted to her husband or any other man. “In a closed society like India, there are people who don’t get a chance to explore their sexuality, which should ideally happen during adolescence,” says Shahin.
Twenty-nineyear- old Jaspreet Gill, a business analyst and a mother of two, had often thought of kissing her best gal pal as a teenager just to get an idea of what kissing a boy would be like. “I had a huge crush on a guy in my class, but he was way beyond my reach – he was the school stud. So I often used to wonder what it would be like to kiss him and often thought of practising it with my best friend, but never tried it. However, I know of girls who have actually tried and are happily leading a heterosexual life. But I don’t think I would be able to kiss a girl,” says Gill.
Sexologist Dr Prakash Kothari says it is very difficult for a woman who has already led the life of a heterosexual to think the other way in her 40s. “Most women can’t think this way. It is unlikely for a woman who has led a heterosexual life to suddenly switch her preference. There are very few people who would do that. So it is wrong to call it a trend,” says Kothari.
Any straight woman or man would find it difficult to make love to a person of the same sex, if he or she hasn’t had a past experience or hasn’t been fascinated by the idea earlier. “ It can happen only when a person is bisexual. So bisexual and flexisexual are one and the same things. If any heterosexual woman fantasises about making love to another woman, she is either a bisexual or is suffering from a thought disorder that indicates the possibility of schizophrenia,” he adds. As far as celebs are concerned, they are humans too. “ They might do it out curiosity or adventure or to make news or under the effect of alcohol. Attraction lies between the two ears and not between your legs,” says Kothari. There is a reason why women shy away from the bisexuality tag. Sexuality has always been taboo all over the world. Women who talk about their sexuality are often looked down upon. “ People who openly used words suffixed with the word ‘ sexual’ are looked down upon. It’s probably the reason why homosexual evolved to the more subtle ‘ gay’ and ‘ lesbian’,” says clinical psychologist Dr Aruna Broota.With time women have become bolder and want to explore all the avenues from where they can derive pleasure, but still play safe when it comes to sexuality. “ If they call themselves bisexual, it means they have already made a choice. If she’s flexisexual, she just wants to explore temporarily but has the freedom of coming back to being a heterosexual,” says Broota. Now that’s a good explanation. And the celebrity status might even give them an edge.
IT’S A CELEB THING
Here’s the truth behind this fascinatingly catchy word. It is being touted as a new term, but it has actually been around for a while. In 2004 the term was mentioned in a blog by a woman named Amy LeBlanc. Three people have posted definitions of flexisexual in The Urban Dictionary back in 2008 and 2009. So why are we talking about it as a trend? Because celebrities have started endorsing it? Says Ruhi Shahin, director, Chic Management, a marketing solutions company. “In a way, they are poking fun at homosexuals and trivialising their sexuality. They do it to attract attention and have publicists working out the nittygritty of their actions. If I write ‘I kissed a girl’ on Facebook, I’ll get 15 minutes of instant fame,” she says. Shahin has lost count of women who have hit on her on Facebook.
“Once, someone commented on my pictures saying I was ‘sooo hot and sooo pretty’. I found it funny but when I actually thought of experimenting, the idea grossed me out. I looked at her profile, checked her pictures and found she was married with a child,” she says. Another married girl from Chandigarh started talking dirty to Shahin on Facebook chat after exchanging niceties. “I was shocked and told her I was not her type. But before blocking her, I asked her why she was behaving this way,” recalls Shahin. Her friend was apparently a lesbian, who was married off at a young age. It was only after her marriage that she discovered she wasn’t really attracted to her husband or any other man. “In a closed society like India, there are people who don’t get a chance to explore their sexuality, which should ideally happen during adolescence,” says Shahin.
Twenty-nineyear- old Jaspreet Gill, a business analyst and a mother of two, had often thought of kissing her best gal pal as a teenager just to get an idea of what kissing a boy would be like. “I had a huge crush on a guy in my class, but he was way beyond my reach – he was the school stud. So I often used to wonder what it would be like to kiss him and often thought of practising it with my best friend, but never tried it. However, I know of girls who have actually tried and are happily leading a heterosexual life. But I don’t think I would be able to kiss a girl,” says Gill.
Sexologist Dr Prakash Kothari says it is very difficult for a woman who has already led the life of a heterosexual to think the other way in her 40s. “Most women can’t think this way. It is unlikely for a woman who has led a heterosexual life to suddenly switch her preference. There are very few people who would do that. So it is wrong to call it a trend,” says Kothari.
Any straight woman or man would find it difficult to make love to a person of the same sex, if he or she hasn’t had a past experience or hasn’t been fascinated by the idea earlier. “ It can happen only when a person is bisexual. So bisexual and flexisexual are one and the same things. If any heterosexual woman fantasises about making love to another woman, she is either a bisexual or is suffering from a thought disorder that indicates the possibility of schizophrenia,” he adds. As far as celebs are concerned, they are humans too. “ They might do it out curiosity or adventure or to make news or under the effect of alcohol. Attraction lies between the two ears and not between your legs,” says Kothari. There is a reason why women shy away from the bisexuality tag. Sexuality has always been taboo all over the world. Women who talk about their sexuality are often looked down upon. “ People who openly used words suffixed with the word ‘ sexual’ are looked down upon. It’s probably the reason why homosexual evolved to the more subtle ‘ gay’ and ‘ lesbian’,” says clinical psychologist Dr Aruna Broota.With time women have become bolder and want to explore all the avenues from where they can derive pleasure, but still play safe when it comes to sexuality. “ If they call themselves bisexual, it means they have already made a choice. If she’s flexisexual, she just wants to explore temporarily but has the freedom of coming back to being a heterosexual,” says Broota. Now that’s a good explanation. And the celebrity status might even give them an edge.
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